My Time to Talk [Ghost/K'rad]

[Shoki]

Cyanee stood on the beach. Dawn and Breaker were playing next to the ocean, just out of reach of the waves. She could see their feet making an impression on the wet sand from here. The Bluerider had knots in her hands, though she wasn’t doing very much with them. She was stalling. Zigbrieth was at the beach with her today. He hadn’t done that for a while. However he was slightly annoyed. Cyan had told him that she was planning something. However she sure was taking her time about it. He would prefer she be on time. Eventually she came around.

“Can you call him please?” She started unraveling a knot, looking more nervous now that she had finally said it. Zigbrieth, however, went about doing as he was told. No backing out now.

Belegurth, Mine wants yours at the beach now. A rather ungraceful statement, but effective in its brevity. He’d done his bit, now to watch and wait. He watched Cyanee fiddle with knots, and firelizards play in the sand. Well hopefully the conversation with the Midnight rider was productive, because the way things were now, nothing would get done. He disliked that.

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

Snap left. Jump. Land and roll. Kick right, fall left. Spring up with double forward kick. Backflip. Punch left punch right. Back handspring, kick as you go over. Land crouched, right leg sweep. Jump off left leg, right elbow strike.

Belegurth, Mine wants yours at the beach now.

Belegurth looked up. K’rad, Cyan wants to talk at the beach.

K’rad froze mid-strike, the wooden short staff that he’d snatched off the ground already partly spun up behind his back in preparation for the next blow. Smoothly, he straightened up and leaned the staff against the wall. He started to make for the back of the weyr, but Belegurth stopped him with his head.

K’rad tipped his head, glancing into the closest of Belegruth’s pale yellow-green whirling eyes. Tell her we’re coming, then.

In seconds, they were spiraling down over the beach. Belegurth landed facing the slightly larger Zigbrielth with a powerful backwing, tossing sand into the air. Once he’d settled, K’rad slid off.

“Cyan?” K’rad asked, taking half a step towards her. It’d been nine days since Cr’wean had told him she was doing ok, but there was still something… not quite right about how she was carrying herself. K’rad hesitated. He wished he were taller, it always seemed like girls were more will to trust and talk to taller people about problems.

[Shoki]

It seemed like way too long, for Cyanee at least. Zigbrieth assured her that they were coming. Or rather just informed her. The Blue took all of this differently than Cyan did, but then again, it was how they were. Zigbrieth caught sight of Belegurth first, and watched his decent. The Midnight landed by him, and the Blue accepted it like nothing. He did wonder thought why Cyanee hadn’t looked up yet.

Cyan fiddled with her knots. She was nervous, obviously, but the sea had the same effect it always did. It had an ever present noise that was soothing, a smell so deep in her clothes and hair that she couldn’t smell it anymore, and a skyline that went forever. There was something calming about being next to a place that seemed to go forever. Didn’t mean she still wasn’t nervous. Especially since she could hear them land. Finally Kel spoke, and Cyan swallowed. Did she just go for it? Act normal and slowly ease into the questions she had? She couldn’t really decide. She just slowly turned around, and looked at Kel. He was still her friend, right? Maybe? Her mouth opened a little, and it looked like she was about to say something, ask something. But her mouth closed and she looked down. She was so much better at going with the flow, but what happened when she couldn’t think of something to do? Well she had to do something, she couldn’t just stare at him forever.

“Do…you wanna sit down?” She gave a weak smile, but flopped down on the sand, to explain her meaning. There wasn’t anything to sit on, other than the sand, but sand didn’t bother her. Even if she preferred some of the rocks that were around Cliffside to sit on. She still had knots in her hands, but was trying to unravel them even now. It was better that she had her hands busy. At least it felt like she was doing something. Rather than sitting in uncomfortable semi-silence.

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

K’rad’s heart twisted up in a knot. He’d never intended to hurt her. It had all been mistakes. Mistaken action followed by mistaken words, and now all he could do was try to scoop up the pieces. He didn’t know how to do this. She was his friend, had been since that very first day he’d awakened in the Aerie. How was he supposed to bring things back to how they used to be.

For an answer to Cyan’s question, he dropped into an easy crouch, sitting on his heels next to her. It wasn’t that he had any objection to sand — he came from Igen after all. Rather, he didn’t want to put himself in a position from which he couldn’t respond quickly. If someone came up on them, he needed to be able to respond. The silence hung there, him making no movement, her playing with the knots in her hands.

“Cyan…” K’rad swallowed. He couldn’t ask if she was ok. She’d either lie and say she was, or tell the truth and admit she wasn’t, but it wasn’t like he could do anything either way. He wanted to hug her, to offer that support, but… last time they’d been this close she hadn’t acted at all comforted by having him near. Instead, he simply sat there, only the intentness of his gaze as he watched her was any indication of his need.

[Shoki]

She watched him as he crouched down and she tilted her head to one side slightly. That position didn’t look very comfortable. She kinda wondered if he wasn’t like that so he could bolt if he didn’t like what she said. Well why did he think she was sitting down? She would probably want to get out of here too! But she continued to use her fingers, and one of the knots came free, even though she wasn’t looking at it. She was looking at the sand now, just feeling the knots and string and how it all held together. It was a stall, but Kel said her name again, like he didn’t know how to say anything else. She wanted… she wanted to ask. It was hard though, she didn’t like making waves. It was already too late at this point, they had been made.

“I wanted to ask you… About before. You said, you said you flipped me.” Her fingers stopped moving, just resting in her lap. She was just about there, why stop now? Well because it was something that so confused her, and often those sorts of things were things that she either might never understand or might be frightening to understand. She still couldn’t resist asking, even though she wanted to delay it as long as possible. “Why did you do it? And then you lied about it… and then told me the truth, but I don’t understand why.” She looked at him, then looked down again, rubbing a scarred arm with her other hand. She would rather just have things normal, she didn’t like all this stuff.

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

K’rad nodded. Encouraging, showing he was listening, or simply an acknowledgement of what had been said. He took a breath. How did one say that a lie had been told out of fear, and the truth by mistake? He tried to meet her eyes, found himself studying her hands instead. Her fingers weren’t moving anymore. K’rad didn’t realize he’d held his breath until she asked him why, looking up briefly before rubbing the triple line of scars on one arm with the opposite hand.

“You startled me,” he answered quietly, flicking his eyes over towards her before staring down at his own hands again. “I was… going through a self-defense sequence in my head and then you reached out and I… just sort of reacted.” He looked back over at her and shrugged. “There’s a counter for that throw. One you really ought to know…”

Mine…

Am not! I’m just offering her a little help, since she’s a friend!

[Shoki]

She tried to be patient while listening to him, but when he shifted the subject she turned back, looking more intent. “But why lie then? I mean, I didn’t try to startle you but that doesn’t really matter. I probably wouldn’t have cared if you told me that. I don’t…” She trailed off, before looking sad. “I don’t need to learn that. It’s fine. All I want is to know why.” She didn’t like lying. She couldn’t manage it very well herself. Sure, she could downplay things or insist they weren’t big deals but that wasn’t exactly the same thing. Zigbrieth didn’t lie either, he was brutally honest at times. For now he was watching over, but not participating. She didn’t know that he suspected his opinion on the matter was not welcome.

“Please.” She still didn’t know what she was going to do after this. Maybe if he explained it would give her ideas.

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

K’rad managed to turn his snort into a sigh. How could she be so… appallingly clueless? She clearly had not the slightest notion of the fact that he could have killed her while she was down that time. He opened his mouth.

Mine, it is none of our problem! We have enough things to worry about without trying to arrange protection for a girl too foolish to protect herself!

K’rad closed his mouth. Belegurth had a point. They couldn’t do their job if they were running around the Weyr trying to protect people. Besides, she’s got Cr’wean. He could protect her long enough, if needed. He still had the problem of what to tell her, though.

“I… didn’t want to get in trouble,” he answered. “I thought if I told you the truth you’d report me, get me in trouble with Weyrleader T’kar.”

[Shoki]

Cyanee watched him, his reactions with a vaguely distressed look on her face. He seemed so hung up on her protecting herself. The only times she got into danger, well the large majority of them she could chalk up to her own fault. She had certainly been a reckless adventurer as a child. The only time she got into read trouble, she could have well stayed out of it if she wanted to. She didn’t count the hatching. One did not defend against hatchlings. However with Kel’s words she looked exasperated.

“You…don’t understand me at all, do you?” The words were out there, limp and rather quiet. She took a breath. “And I don’t understand you.” She seemed at a loss. However she started to talk, tugging at the knots in her lap again. “If it’s a mistake, I wouldn’t have said anything. I don’t…I don’t like bringing things up if people would get mad or sad. After all, it’s just a mistake, and you didn’t want to hurt me. You didn’t feel good having done it. I just trust that you don’t want to hurt me.” She tugged a knot free. “And I trust people aren’t lying to me. Because why should they? I am the first to admit I don’t understand sometimes, but don’t want that to get in the way of trying to be someone’s friend. I just…” She closed her mouth, not sure if she should say this. Not because she didn’t mean it, but she genuinely couldn’t tell if it was the right thing to say. Cr’wean seemed to think that Kel was not as nice a guy as she thought, and Zigbrieth, she suspected he had some reservations.

“I just want you to have a little faith in me. I trust you after all.” She looked hurt.

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

Abort abort abort. Plan not working.

K’rad felt his mental wheels break loose and spin, traction-less. He couldn’t think of what to say, how to respond. Nothing here was lining up.

You need to-

No! K’rad’s strident mental bark cut across Belegurth’s suggestion, which as far as K’rad was concerned was a wonderful thing.

Mine…

I said no!

“I do have faith in you,” he protested. Almost cautiously, he reached out to touch her shoulder. The motion was slow, unsure, quite as if he wasn’t certain what kind of response he might receive. “Cyanee, I have more faith in you than you could ever guess. I… wasn’t thinking that clearly. By the time I had myself back under control, I’d already told the lie, and then…” he shrugged and looked back down at his lap before trying to catch Cyan’s eyes again. “I thought… you know… the story already having been told and accepted…”

Belegurth blew out a gust of air, but he made no protest. Perhaps this would work. He didn’t really want to go farther, although he pretended otherwise for his rider’s benefit.

[Shoki]

She looked up as Kel touched her shoulder, which wasn’t frightening at all. He looked like it might have make her spontaneously explode with how tentative he was about it. She couldn’t really fault him on that, she had made a mess of things last time. She was feeling a lot better with what he was saying, but they weren’t quite done talking yet. She felt less nervous about everything, but wasn’t quite back to getting upbeat. It was nice to say that he did have faith in her. She didn’t quite know what he meant by ‘more then you could ever guess’ but he was still explaining so she listened. She could sort of see how he had done it all, but she wouldn’t have done it. That she was at peace with. It wasn’t all though.

“I understand that it’s hard to go back on a mistake. I just… next time please don’t lie to me.” She looked down, before her face came up and her hands expressed dismay. “I don’t mean like tell me everything that your thinking, I mean I don’t do that, everyone has stuff they don’t want to say. I guess, I would prefer that you just say you don’t want to talk then lie. And…” She took a deep breath. She didn’t like talking about it, but she kinda felt she owe it to him since he seemed so genuinely freaked out last time.

“About the last time we were talking. I…can feel trapped sometimes. Like in tight spaces and stuff. They scare me…a lot. I guess… I felt trapped and it caused what you saw. I don’t talk about it much, but it doesn’t usually come up. Like with wing practices and stuff, it’s not a problem. I thought you might want to know, since Healer’s rules mean you probably didn’t hear it from anyone else.” She actually hadn’t heard that Kel came around the Aerie to ask her brother. Cr’wean had kept his mouth shut about it. “Um, yeah.” She really didn’t know what else to say at this point.

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

K’rad’s lips twitched, the beginnings of a wry smile, as Cyan clarified that she didn’t want to know everything he was thinking. He didn’t let the gesture complete itself, though. That lack of desire to know everything was definitely a good thing for her, since he couldn’t tell her even most of it in many cases. Not without betraying the trust of his superiors.

K’rad thought for a second about her next revelation. He rather thought it best that he not say anything regarding her preference to be told that he didn’t want to talk about something, rather than to receive a lie. Certainly, he’d avoid lying to her if at all possible, she was his friend after all, but if he was caught in a situation where telling her he didn’t want to talk would be tantamount to a confession…

“So, does it get better once you’re outside?” he asked. He wanted to know what to do if it happened again. He also wanted her to focus there, and not on the other. The far more dangerous other. He didn’t want her to find out, didn’t want to find himself torn between loyalties. They could be friends, would be friends, without any pain coming to him, provided he could keep her from figuring it out.

((Coming to a close soon?))

[Shoki]

Cyan nodded. “Usually. I have some other stuff I can do, I have to keep practicing because it’s hard to focus when I go all…weird. Oh, and it seems like Zigbrieth can help too! Like how we do visual stuff for going Between, only help me visualize the outside. I hadn’t thought about it, but it seems like a good idea.” Her smile was bright.

Zigbrieth looks a bit relieved, but he wasn’t entirely reassured. The Blue was very glad Cyan seemed to have picked up again, it seemed like she was going back to where she was. However, he would be lying if he said he quite felt good about her going back to being his friend so easily. His rider was quite trusting. Too trusting at times. He snorted and eyed the almost wastes of space. That is the firelizards. They were still playing, enjoying the beach. They were trained for letters and stuff. He wondered idly what her friendship with Kel could be useful for. And like he suspected, Cyan was displeased at him for that thought. She looked back at the Blue with a little frown, almost a pout.

What? I’m happy you are feeling better, but we always have things to do.

You always have to see things in how they make our position better. Can’t things just be nice?

I was just thinking that you aren’t really friends with Artemis, wouldn’t you like to be friends with her too? Kel could introduce you.

Can we talk about it later? Cyanee got a little uneasy with the idea, and the Blue settled.

I’m just saying, you so do love to make friends. And the Blue did ‘so love’ to use that to make it so the Bluepair was viewed in a favorable light.

Cyanee sighed but rebounded into a smile. “I hope you and Belegurth get along, sometimes I wonder if Zigbrieth and I actually get along.” Not really accurate. Cyan almost had the Blue spoiled. Of course, she didn’t love him any less.