Same elements as lionesses. (Kaya) 75.08.11

[Moo]

Oh no. I hope it's nothing too serious, he replied, folding his wings against his sides. He and D'gan knew that the Weyrwoman had a lot on her plate, and it seemed like more and more every day, but it couldn't be too bad…could it?

Mosiliath watched, his curiosity piqued, as Archith moved down to speak to the young girl. Not everyone got such a privilege, and when they did, it was usually to chastise. His eyes whirled with intrigue. She was a Candidate like the rest, wasn't she? But to have a special audience with the Queen…not just everyone got that. What was so special about this girl?

D'gan brushed away the niggling sense in his mind that was Mosiliath contemplating something. Whatever it was, he wasn't sharing it just yet - so he focused on the task at hand. At the Weyrwoman's beckon, which sounded a bit off in his opinion, he opened the door and stepped inside her weyr.

"Hello, Rilora," he smiled. "Mosiliath and I were around and we wanted to see how you…were…doing."

The smile on his face faded when he looked at her - truly looked at her. He was never one to comment on someone's appearance when they weren't looking their best, but she…this looked like something else entirely. The stress on her face, in her shoulders, in her voice - it was all clear as day. His brow wrinkled with concern. A Weyrwoman's job was difficult, but it shouldn't ever be this trying. There was more to this than they originally thought.

"Sorry if I'm rude, but…Rilora, what's wrong? Something's the matter."

Mosiliath straightened up when Archith turned back to him and pushed his interest to the side. Now was not the time for that - and besides, it was a personal conversation, no doubt. He nodded in affirmation.

Yes, D'gan has gone down to see her. We were making our rounds to our friends and wanted to see how you were faring today, he purred, eyes closing slightly - but just for a moment. There were more serious matters at hand. He opened his eyes again and moved a little bit closer to her side. They could talk just fine at the distance they were at, but when D'gan did it, it implied something was more intimate. Private. Confidential, even.

Mosiliath imagined that would help.

You can tell me what's wrong, you know. D'gan and I are here to help you and Rilora….You still have friends. You are not alone in this fight.

[Kaya]

The halting words told her all she needed to know. He knew. He saw. She was not strong enough to conceal it. She forced her shoulders down as he looked at her, uncomfortable. He had asked...but he already knew. She ached, her mind was a tumbling noise that would not be still. She tried to piece together how to explain, how to list all the things that weighed on her. The lack of justice brought about to those unknown persons who had wronged her Weyr, her fear for herself and those she confided in, her lack of confidence to trust others with these delicate details and tasks surrounding the investigation of Lindalyn's murder. But...it was more than that. It was bigger than that. Lindalyn had known that. She would be a fool to ignore it. Rilora had contacts, carefully chosen and well paid for their information. She had seen records, seen too many things amiss to add up just right. And she would not give this enemy a weakness, she would keep her people strong by keeping them in the dark. Uphold their way of life, their innocence to the darkness that crept around them, let them keep their peace of mind and their carefree smiles. In thinking she had drifted closer to D'gan. She fidgeted and tried to find the path she was supposed to walk on. Weyrwoman? Confident? Friend? How was she supposed to explain how abruptly these fears grabbed her and refused to let go? It made her look inexperienced, not what she was supposed to-

To sharding between with 'supposed's, she thought.

"You are right. Something's the matter." she agreed, squaring herself to look up at him without wavering. And then eerily, the voice drifting forth unlike her own, "A shadowed hand is stretching across our world..."

"I-, ...I would like you to come with me, in several days time. I have some more important information to collect. This is big, D'gan. They're up to something and I just haven't found out what it is yet. And I'm afraid that when I do-" shards, did I just admit to fear? "-it will already be too late." her voice seized up, her throat tightening against her will.

"If we have eyes on them,...it can be certain they have eyes on us," her voice dropped to a whisper and doubt whirled in her as she spoke. "There's something else, about that girl. But you'll have to figure it out for yourself. ....so, will you accompany me?" and then, tension starting to melt she blurted out, "Shards, D'gan, look at me. I'm shaking." Her hands were trembling now and despite her best efforts they wouldn't stop, the vibrations in the air continuing.

Rilora needs...a lot of reminding. Archith commented, her tail twitching in sympathy to Rilora's shaking hands. It irritated the Gold, but it pained her that it was happening to them at all.
Be assured I hold your support in the highest regarding our situation. If Rilora's suspicions are right, things are beginning to come to a head. She frets over it day and night, loses sleep trying to find just one more piece to the puzzle. It's hard to do when your circle of trusted help is...small. Archith shook her head in the way of people. She snorted and relaxed back into a more draconic posture. She had picked up far too many gesturing habits from her Rider. Though, with her tail the way it was, perhaps their bond had something to account for as well. How is yours fairing? Perhaps better? ...or better at seeming better.

[Moo]

He took a deep breath and made sure he was calm - this was only a glimpse into the weight on Rilora's shoulders and he could feel it himself. But he had to remain level-headed, no matter what. Her voice, though…her terror made him uneasy. There was much more to this than he had originally thought. He recalled Yuki's worries earlier last turn, back around the time of Ayleneth's Flight. She was concerned with the Northern Weyrs, and now Rilora was worried over not only the Weyrs - but the entirety of Pern? It was enough to give him goosebumps.

But first things first, he told himself. One thing at a time.

"Thank you for trusting me with this, Rilora, I appreciate that more than you know. I value our relationship a lot, and I would like you to feel comfortable enough to share such things with me when you need to. Now, about this trip of yours - I would ask more about it, but I know about discretion and that seems to be the case here. But my answer is, undoubtedly so, a yes. I wouldn't have it any other way, really."

The tremble in her hands, in her voice, became all too much for him to stand by and watch.

"Shhh, you're okay," D'gan reassured, closing the gap between them in a matter of steps. He took her hands in his and held them together. "Rilora, listen to me now. Nothing is going to happen to you. The entire Weyr will make sure of that - and I will, too. I -- Oh, hold…on," he paused.

There was one thing that he felt would make this conversation better.

He looked around the room until he located her bed, and once he had, he walked over to it and sat down on its edge. He patted the spot next to him and motioned to the Weyrwoman.

"Rilora, come over here. Get away from that desk for a moment -- just for a moment. You've sat too long there. Come and sit with me here."

Mosiliath purred again, this time to give himself something to do while he thought about his response. He had not hoped for such a thorough explanation from Archith, and now that he had it, it was lot to contemplate in a short amount of time - though this sort of stress was nothing he hadn't handled before.

That does sound like a lot she has to deal with. I do not envy her, or you, but I am willing to share the burden if you have need of me. Hmm. There must be something Yours can do to worry less. How much has been done about this whole situation? A plan of action is better than scattered thoughts. At least then she can have something to fall back on instead of nothing.

He snorted at her last question, his eyes briefly spinning with amusement. Better at seeming better. He has been trying to accept the fact that he has a child now. He never wanted one, and he is in a strange place with relationships. But he is…getting better. Much more so than before. Thank you for asking.

[Nicole]

Artemis had left them. But that didn't mean that she hadn't heard them.

And when she headed back to her chambers, it was with worry about Rilora and the state of the Weyr. She'd need help. Artemis could be that help, if she asked for it.

But would she? ... probably not.

Still, she'd wait and see what happened. She was good at waiting.

[Kaya]

She tried to stop shaking. It didn't work. Then his hands were on hers and though the trembling didn't stop it spread out through her, it felt better at least, a little. Now she swayed on her feet, the waves rocking through her whole person instead of just her hands.

Nothing is going to happen to you.

Did he agree? They all knew so little, he was offering to protect her but that meant he thought there was something worth being afraid of. She wasn't wrong...

She looked up as he called her. The whole picture of it looked strange to her but at present she was barely able to keep on her feet and her hands had taken to shaking harder again. So she complied and moved away from her desk and towards her friend whom she trusted. She managed to sit without entirely dropping herself onto the bed. Her head felt light but at least now she wasn't swaying. "I-...sorry. Thank you, I-" her voice wavered. She asked for the future as much as for herself, "What now?" And as much as she wanted to cling to D'gan's offered hope, a tear still escaped her eyes and started to slide down her cheek.

She has an informant at Cliffside she's to meet soon. I believe she already asked yours to accompany her. She's got V'ridian keeping his harperish ears open, and has from him several copies of documents that she'd rather others not know she has. It is becoming very clear that information caused Lindalyn's downfall. Discretion is of the utmost importance. T'kar has been working closely with Ser Ralt to analyze actions at Cliffside: we expect, from reports and observation, that those working against us are not so far away as we should like. I suppose at this point, it's a matter of identifying them or their weak places, and backing them into a corner away from us. It is not so hard to combat a known enemy, any history scroll will tell you that. Apparently these persons have read the same ones, and Faranth help us, learned something. Apart from these named helping, I'm afraid there aren't others. Orikaeth is too new, Sunvoiath is young and already under scrutiny, not to mention prone to outbursts. She a...good youngling, though she spends entirely too much time out of my company. Archith's eyes closed part way in a frown.

Mention of D'gan's youngling struck her last comment about Sunvoiath. A tinge of shame raced through the Gold. She had not wished to be so distant from her daughter Queen. Better in some regard is good news. I hope he continues along that path. You know our creche will take care of her, the caretakers even tend to gain favorites at the child's choosing. Any brat of D'gan's will be a fine weyrbrat indeed, Archith allowed herself a rumbling chuckle. Human younglings, strange creatures, so unlike dragons. They were as if they should have stayed in the shell a good while longer, but Archith supposed it couldn't be helped.

[Moo]

Mosiliath listened to the Queen's words in thoughtful silence and ground his teeth together. So, a plan was forming in the Weyr, but it seemed like the enemy - for that was what they were, and cowards as well - was always one step ahead of them. Like they knew what was going to happen, what was being planned accordingly. His eyes shifted yellow-green with worry. If there was someone on the inside, it would be difficult to find them without arousing so much suspicion that the tunnelsnake would slip out of their claws.

When I was still growing up at Fort, I always heard that history is repeated when the lesson is not learned. The only problem we have is that we don't know what that lesson is. It is good that V'ridian has found information that will help us, and that the good Weyrleader and Lord of Cliffside is helping as well…but I wonder if it is enough. There are still too many questions that need answering, and the Weyr itself feels stretched thin. Would it be wise to reach out to other Weyrs in the Northern world? Aside from Ice Stone Weyr, it could be beneficial to ask if they have come across any similar, violent groups. We could even ask Kaya and Kayleth, if they remember similar topics. They would be very knowledgeable, I would think. It is better to have more allies than enemies when the time comes.

Amusement rumbled in his chest at the break in topic. Mosiliath bent his neck and lightly butted his head against her shoulder, much like a cat would do. Despite his reluctance, he would be most pleased to hear that. Thank you for saying so, Archith. Now, as far as young Sunvoiath and her Rider, perhaps a kind word here or there would do. You and Rilora are busy, and no one faults you for that, but I feel…with all that has been happening…a little bit of attention would do nicely for them. If only to be certain that Colors do not run true. We cannot have the Weyr crumble from the inside out.

As she sat down, D'gan moved his hand to the middle of her back - partly for support, if she needed it. Concern darkened his expression as she tried to speak. "You never have to apologize to me, Rilora. It's alright."

He carefully brushed away her tear with the pad of his thumb, and then returned his hand to her back. He paused and considered her question with care. As he thought, he moved his hand along her upper back in a slow, circular motion. What would happen now, she asked. What could they do about it? She was asking for an opinion - his opinion, nonetheless. He would give her an honest one.

"As far as what we can do now, well…To start, there are too many secrets being kept. Discretion is one thing, but people are beginning to sense they should fear…something. The only problem is, they don't know what to be afraid of. It makes them panic because they don't know how to prepare. That should be fixed, as much as it can be without giving away an advantage to this enemy of ours. And then...we stay as strong and as brave as we can be. It is true that the Weyr has seen better days, but no one could have expected all this to happen. You're dealing with so much more than anyone could have guessed, and I'm proud of you for that. But, you know…it doesn't all have to be on you. And for this to work, and all of us to come out of this mess, it shouldn't be your responsibility alone. That's why we have that balance of power, you see? The Weyrwoman, the Weyrleader, the Junior Weyrwoman and Junior Weyrleader alike. The Wingleaders, like myself. The rest of the staff, too. We're all here for you - we're loyal resources to be utilized. Use what you have, Rilora."

D'gan studied her face. She was running herself ragged trying to fix this situation, and though she looked visibly young, her eyes and expression gave her away. Full of worry, and doubt, and shame. She would make herself sick if she kept it all in any longer.

"It's alright to cry in front of me, you know," he whispered. "Don't be afraid to truly act how you feel when you're with me, Rilora. I'm here for you, as Mosiliath is here for you and Archith, too."

[Kaya]

I am not sure what Fort or High Reaches could do for us, or any of the others in the north. What would we ask them? As far as I'm aware, this problem seems unique to our time, though perhaps that's the trouble right there. Her reply stopped when Mosiliath pressed his head in a light nudge against her side. She felt Mosiliath's lightness regarding his Rider's youngling. It was hard not to love the younger humans, she estimated from her understanding of them. They had so far left to go to reach the level of thinking even a newly shelled dragonet had. Their actions and trouble were judged by a different standard, and since they had done nothing and could do nothing to make ones estimation of them lower, opinion of them remained high. Perhaps it was one benefit to being born as such.

Indeed, Mosiliath, unity now as ever remains important. I will make it a point to engage more with Sunvoiath. And Kayleth as well. All generations. I don't see answers but maybe - and don't you ever tell them I said - they know something, er, unique to themselves. Archith halted, avoiding but still hearing the line "something I don't" despite her trying to sidestep it. She headbutted Ancalanath back quite a good deal harder, in good spirit though. She felt a twinge of Rilora's feelings seep back in, they were somewhat improved. Archith hoped that her improving mood would help support her Rider.

Rilora wanted to speak and be silent. Her stomach untied and reformed knots. D'gan's hand on her back felt reassuring and foreign both. She sat in startled stillness when he wiped her tear away. Then she felt her back being rubbed and she simply melted, stress draining out, the fever of panic having run its course and broken. She sat in a half sad, half hopeful heap, twitching occasionally if D'gan rubbed over a particularly tight knot in her muscles.

And she listened to him speak. It was hypnotic, it voiced her fears, it voiced some suggested action, and she had struggled so hard for so long she wanted to believe so badly that just speaking sufficient truth could release her from so much. But what was the right thing to tell the Weyr that wouldn't alert their enemies? How would he have her involved the others? Involving them could endanger them more...but if they were in some danger not knowing, who should decide what they knew? She was only a human too, with all of Kaya's and Isodae's legacies piled onto her shoulders left to hold them up alone. Both older women had been distant from her, Kaya for her long retirement and Rilora's attitude that the Gold Rider deserved the quiet life, and Isodae because she was and always had been a distant, cold woman. How a Weyr so warm had had a leader so cold, she could only guess. Perhaps the Gold Rider had not always been that way. Maybe she had once cared as much as Rilora did. She shivered. She would not become that.

She leaned into D'gan trying to chase away the upsetting thoughts. "How would you have me use you?" she asked him directly, using his own question. She wanted to talk to him, and she didn't. She kept her feelings hidden because she wasn't just trying to do a poor job of convincing others she was alright, she was trying to convince herself. She had to be a strong face for the Weyr, and if she found out by "being herself" and "how she really felt" too often...what then? Her eyes were still teary but for the moment the moisture clung to her lashes. She might cry, but it made her feel vulnerable, and she was already quite so at the moment, on a bed, with a King Rider, talking about fate and feelings... was this even appropriate?

[Moo]

Mosiliath's purr thrummed in his chest as Archith butted him back. She was an intelligent, young Queen with a lot on her shoulders, but it was nice that they could still talk and be friends together. Don't worry, I wouldn't ever tell them such a thing. But yes, it is good to consider opinions from every generation. Even if you learn nothing new, you will find, through their opinions and concerns, that you will have a much broader understanding of the problem and how to handle it. Besides, there is hardly a Hold or Weyr out there that doesn't love a good story. Perhaps someone out there simply dismissed something as legend, not realizing it might mean something later on.

D'gan hesitated, if only in his mind. It felt strange. The last time he had tried to console someone, it was because he wanted, more than anything, to get away from them. To run from his responsibilities and pretend they never existed. He knew, perhaps more than most, how well that coping mechanism had gone. Yet here he was, at Rilora's side, consoling her as best as he could. Taking on responsibilities, not running away from them. Maybe that was because he knew what he was getting himself into - or thought he knew. It felt strange.

But it also felt good.

He felt Rilora twitch and shiver against him as he spoke, no doubt as lost in thought as he was. Hard not to be, really. He continued to run his hand along her back, and only then noticed the few, tight knots of muscle she kept jumping at. He glanced over at her face for some kind of telling expression, but she kept quiet. If he was being honest, it reminded him of the riders he had flown with during their first threadfall. How shell-shocked they were when they saw their friends, other dragons, picked off by stray clumps of thread. Exposed to too much carnage, too much mortality, all too quickly.

D'gan let out a long, slow breath. If she had asked it of him, it would have been no trouble at all for him to reach over and knead the tight muscles in her back until she relaxed. But he figured that would push things too far, and he hadn't come here for that. He moved his hand from her back and over to her far shoulder, and as she leaned into his side, it became much easier to hold her against him in a tentative, one-armed hug. It was as close as he dared get by himself. Once, he had been sure of where their relationship stood. Friendly, if a bit distant, and mindful of structure and rank. But now, at least to him, something about it felt different. Or maybe he was just imagining things.

"That's not something I can answer for you, Rilora. I have a couple ideas of how I could be useful, but…it doesn't feel like it's a thing I should decide on. I wouldn't want to make you choose something you wouldn't."

He would have turned to look at her, but he didn't want to disturb her by moving much more. He kept himself from leaning his head against hers, as natural as it would have felt to do. She was the Weyrwoman; she outranked him by leagues, and some part of him knew he was walking on some mighty thin ice. If anyone heard them, or saw them, they would begin to suspect something wasn't quite right. But he also liked her, for what that was worth, and at a time like this she needed someone on her side. Rank could be put aside for a moment of peace. He would, if she would.

"But I know how difficult making decisions can be, so how about this. Tell me what you think, and then I'll tell you what I think, and then you can decide. Sound fair?"

[Kaya]

Then I suppose my course of action is much clearer. I must confide in other figures of leadership, seek to obtain any knowledge and alliance I can from them, and use that information and power to crush our enemy. Or come as close as I can with it. Archith summarized. She would speak with Bylanath and Kayleth first, if time allowed, then also Temperanth, the elder Queens at Waterfall Valley, the Weyrleaders at Fort if she could easily get an audience, and similar visits to test the waters of trust throughout the south. She could even ask Bylanath who their strongest allies are, or were. It was something.

He held her there, loosely. Her back tingled and the identified muscles still radiated their displeasure at being tight, but Rilora had appreciated the gesture. She accepted that yes, this scene was a little out of the ordinary. She accepted that it wasn't the expected way their roles interacted. But for this moment, with her hurt so raw, it was best. She hoped. Her eyes were drying out, in any case, which was an uncomfortable improvement. But even with their plans, she still felt incredibly fragile, as if moving to wipe her eyes might just snap that fragile peace that had started to form over her wounds. So she didn't move and let D'gan hold her, however tentatively, and listened to him speak. And then he asked again for her voice.

"Fair." She paused to gather more stay thoughts. "I, well I hate to admit it, but I think you're right about needing to involve more people. At first, when I found...Lindalyn's book. Shards, that was months ago. After seeing it, analyzing it, it was so clear that she had been targeted because of what she knew, and the decisions she made to be loyal to her home despite their...threats. I feared that if they knew I had that book that I might be next, so I hid it. I tried to involve as few as possible,...I couldn't live with myself if...So it's just been us. Working, trying to be discrete. It's been months that way, now, I don't even know how to start working other people in it's been secret so long."

"But I said, I believe you're right. We need more hands in this. Maybe...if we put in so many hands that they couldn't possibly...target, everyone. Maybe then most will be safe. Then it will just be the leaders...me. T'kar. You. The ones directing things, the figures of strength and will, those people will be the targets. At least that's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid for the people I care about here, I'm afraid for my family back in Golden Flight. It's really no small secret who they are. I've visited them often since becoming Weyrwoman. I feel as if I can't keep everyone safe, and that if I can't, I have failed at my job."

"I look at Retny and I envy her spirit: she seems so unconcerned with the world. And Rekkora, she is a natural being the center of attention. And sometimes I think that they, that others, think I'm not doing my job well, horribly even. Isodae never says anything, though she's barely around. She retired and got an itchy foot to go with it, strangest story... And when she is here she avoids me, or it feels that way. I don't know why she picked me...Sometimes I think it's because we're so different, but then because of that she won't talk to me. Our differences. And so I feel so alone here at 'the top'. With the power everyone wants, with the status everyone wants, and even the thought of their disapproval is crushing. And I can't be myself or say what I think because that's weakness, and leaders don't show weakness, not to enemies, not to rivals, not even to friendlies because they look to the leaders for strength."

"...and now I'm telling you more about what I think and less about what I think we should do." A nervous laugh. "I need time to think about all of this. Time to pick allies and form bonds of support before information becomes public, if it does. Though from the way you spin it D'gan, "people know they have something to fear" or what was it?, it's only a matter of time now. And I don't want to make this decision, I don't feel qualified - I'm only one person, I wanted to grow up and study plants for Farnath's sake. But I'll be lost between if I don't do something to have a hand in this. It's going to be messy, I just have this feeling...it will. But I think...if I don't control, or try to, the flow of information and action, it will be worse. So much worse."

She stopped and stared at her feet. Her throat felt dry, first sobs and now a speech. She was thirsty but her duty to thinking this through, to getting a hold of herself, to listening to D'gan's thoughts, that was more important than water. And it struck her how easily she disregarded her own needs in the face of the Weyr. It was clear then, how she had ended up this way. She needed to take care of herself too...so that she could take care of others.