Murphy's laws of combat operations

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

As posted by Richard Pieri, at pages.swcp.com/~russo/laws-o-combat.html

• Friendly fire - isn't.
  
• Recoilless rifles - aren't.
  
• Suppressive fires - won't.
  
• You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
  
• A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
  
• If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
  
• Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
  
• If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.
  
• If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
  
• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
  
• Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
  
• Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
  
• If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
  
• The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
  
• The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
  

• No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
  
• There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
  
• Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.
  
• There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
  
• A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
  
• The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
  
• The easy way is always mined.
  
• Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
  
• Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
  
• Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
  
• If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
  
• When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
  
• Incoming fire has the right of way.
  
• No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
  
• No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
  
• If the enemy is within range, so are you.
  
• The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
  
• Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
  
• Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
  
• Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
  
• Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both.)
  
• Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
  
• Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
  
• Tracers work both ways.
  
• If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
  
• When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
  
• Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
  
• Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
  
• Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
  
• Weather ain't neutral.
  
• If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
  
• Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
  
• 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
  
• The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
  
• Napalm is an area support weapon.
  
• Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
  
• B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
  
• Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
  
• Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
  
• The one item you need is always in short supply.
  
• Interchangeable parts aren't.
  
• It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
  
• When in doubt, empty your magazine.
  
• The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
  
• Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
  
• If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
  
• Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
  
• The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
  
• Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
  
• Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
  
• The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
  
• One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
  
• A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
  
• The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
  
• Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
  
• The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
  
• The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
  
• Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  
• No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
  
• If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
  
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
  
• Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
  
• When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
  
• Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
  
• The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
  
• To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
  
• The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
  
• The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
  
• When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
  
• The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
  
• A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
  
• Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
  
• Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
  
• The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
  
• All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
  
• The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.

[li]The crucial round is a dud.
[/li][li]Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
[/li][li]There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
[/li][li]Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
[/li][li]If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
[/li][li]If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
[/li][li]If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
[/li][li]Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
[/li][li]Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
[/li][li]The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
[/li][li]The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
[/li][li]There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
[/li][li]Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
[/li][li]The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
[/li][li]Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
[/li][li]As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
[/li][li]Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
[/li][li]The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
[/li][li]Walking point = sniper bait.
[/li][li]Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
[/li][li]If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
[/li][li]All or any of the above combined.
[/li][/ul]

P.S. Murphy was a grunt

[/ul]

[Void]

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
My dad has a friend that used to be a Marine and he's always talking about the 75% plan. By the time you have a 100% plan, things have changed, life sucks lol

[Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro)]

Also, there are:

• No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
• The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
• The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
• The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
• If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
• If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
• The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
• There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
• Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
• Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
• Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.
• Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of s***.
• Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.
• A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.
• When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.
• It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.
• If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.
• Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.
• Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.
• There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both.
  

• You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.
• Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.
• You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.
• You think the enemy's artillery support is better and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.
• Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.
• "Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.
• Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.
• NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.
• Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover for you.
• Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.
• If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.
• If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.
• Happiness is a belt fed weapon.
• A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.
• Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.
• There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.
• C-4 can make a dull day fun.
• If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care.
• Always make sure someone has a can opener.
• Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.
• Proximity factor: The need for relief is directly related to the distance of the relief station.
• If you can think clearly, know exactly what's happening, and have total control of a situation in combat, then you're not in combat.
• Stay away from officers in combat, they're clever decoys for noncoms.
• Failure of plan A will directly affect your ability to carry out plan B.
• War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
• You never have fire support in heavy firefight but you always have it on a silent recon mission
• Night vision - isn't
• Never trust a private that says "don't worry I learned this is in basic".
• When your warrant starts to laugh and says "watch this" LEAVE.
• Your vehicle is a civilian car painted tan, with less security features.