Ouroboros [Kaya/Em]

[Shoki]

79.02.17
Afternoon

F’mil closed the book he was reading and placed it on the stack next to him. He was done. Not just with this book, but with the stack itself. It wasn’t a small stack by any means and it was only one of many at this point. Aweirgan sat next to him, his tail twitching back and forth. F’mil gave his firelizard a pat while he stared at the weyrbowl. Aweirgan, normally silence, gave a low croon to his bonded companion. Normally, F’mil would be delighted with the prospect of reading so much. The problem was, why he suddenly had so much free time.

It was clear now he was going to be ‘grounded’ for a long while. Delgeth was downright furious all the time. Not enough that F’mil had to do some managing, but the Crimson-White was angry they thought F’mil had done a thing wrong. Delgeth could be seen even now doing his furious pacing, Crimsons were rather known for their desire to move when upset.

As for F’mil? He was trying to keep his mood up, since everyone would do much better if he didn’t get bogged down, but was having a harder time doing that. He and Delgeth would do much better if they could actually get away from Telgar for a little bit, but since they couldn’t, he was starting to get worried. Which of course fed into Delgeth’s mood and caused him to be unable to keep Telgar out and spiraled into a whole mess. There was only so much he could do about it though, Especially since he feared he would need to start rereading.

With a sigh, he picked up the stack of books, leaving the bottom one. That one he might read again. Not because he liked it a lot, it was a rather average history book, but because he’d gotten it as a turnday gift from his mother and if he didn’t read it again he wouldn’t be able to send a letter about how he’d read it a bunch already. Which he wanted to do. Aweirgan picked it up gently and followed him, as he was about to return the rest.

It was still clawing at him, all of this suspicion, and he felt eyes on him as he walked. Which is why he wasn’t as focused as usual. A small rock was all it took, and he tripped, catching himself but not the books. He hissed, and quickly went to pick them up, brushing them off gingerly.

He wasn’t himself today.

[Kaya]

"This seems familiar," Em told a crouched F'mil gathering up the books. She flashed a grin and compared the current scene to the tipped books in the archives. Definitely similar.

She had been leaving the dining hall, her wing had met in the morning for practice. It had been an enjoyably rowdy lunch (in so much as her family would have hated it). On such a topic as family, she had been requested to make an appearance to see Coralee (probably something to do with politics, or at least she hoped it was that and not the other rumors floating around.)

So finding F'mil, who had been suspiciously absent from every aspect of Weyr life, she was easily tempted to abandon her plans to see her obligations that afternoon in favor of however much time she could extract from him. She picked up a book and glanced at the cover.

[Shoki]

F’mil glanced up at Emmeline and let a small wry smile play on his face. He did tend to get himself involved in large amounts of books it seemed.

“I do not have near so many as an entire bookshelf. With me anyway.” He watched her pick up one of the books, while he stacked the remainder.

“If you like tales of terror, I can recommend that one. It is rather fantastical, but it has a slow build and wonderful atmosphere.” He got up, careful not to upset the stack as he rose. “It is the second time I have read it though and I do very much enjoy how if you take time to look into it you can get hints of the central theme of loneliness even when they start out among their family and-“ F’mil stopped short and chuckled. “Sorry, I am getting away from the point. I never do know when to stop with books.” Aweirgan hovered, the single book in his claws as he chirped to F’mil. The rider smiled and leaned his head for the Azure-Crimson to nudge affectionately before returning to a respectful distance.

“Do you have time to help me hunt for a new stack of books? Perhaps you can suggest something for me.” He was really doing nothing other than reading. He considered getting back into drawing. It had been so long, and Delgeth was always willing enough to be a model. The trouble was getting him to stay still…

[Kaya]

Emmeline smiled at his defense, though if anyone could find a way to take along an entire bookshelf it would be F'mil. She cracked the cover while he described the contents, not really reading so much as taking in the sense of the book. She came to the conclusion that it would do. F'mil stopped and she shut the pages, tucking the book against her side. Her expression changed to skeptically impressed as his firelizard somehow kept a book aloft. She was going to say something but he started speaking first, asking for her company in pouring over new books.

"Only fair, since I'm keeping this one," she stated. Besides, in the quiet rows of books maybe she could ask how he was really doing. Of course she had been vocal in promoting his character, much to the chagrin of her family, who wanted nothing to do with the bad news pouring from Telgar. In their opinion she could have kept quiet for the sake of her own reputation. Emmeline loudly disagreed. She walked along with F'mil companionably to the repository of books where they could have a real conversation outside of the open air of the Bowl.

[Shoki]

F’mil’s face brightened a bit. Mostly because she was actually going to read the book. Company was welcome as well, of course.

“Excellent. Then let’s go.” He seemed quite back to normal walking to the archives, but Aweirgan was eyeing him. When they arrived he placed the stack with the Archivist, who nodded and waved him off to go look for new books. Oddly enough, the two groups of people that were largely treating him the same were those in the archives, and the kitchen folk. The latter were all too happy to continue gossiping with him, though they avoided the high and mighty topics now.

“Let’s see. Histories are this way, I think the Harper Hall histories are surprisingly full of intrigue…” He wandered over, but wasn’t quite as eager for new books as usual. After all, he had all the time on Pern for reading more.

“So how has your riderhood been treating you?” He tilted his head to the Pinkrider. “You and Rioth enjoying wing practice?”

[Kaya]

Emmeline followed him into the comfortable and welcoming sight of books. Not to mention it was much warmer inside, she shifted her riding jacket back to loosen the fit. They took a turn to the works of the harpers themselves. She had no doubt that the flare of the harper trade would find itself in their books as well. She trailed after F'mil, trying to determine if his expression was simply searching for a book or if his heart wasn't as into the archives that day.

"I have so much free time now..." Em commented. Sure, she and Rioth worked hard and spent the day in the wings, but it was much different than being a weyrling. "It's not like lessons at all. I mean, a little, since they were trying to prepare us for this, but it's still different. You did it. You know," she shuffled a foot. "But yes, we enjoy it very much. Rioth is a reliable flier and I like the rush...though it's been murder on my hair-" Em drug her fingers through a tangled section and reflected on her poor choice of words. "I might just cut it all off. What do you think?"

[Shoki]

F’mil listened and nodded slightly as she mentioned the new freedom that came with being a rider. Very true. He raised his eyebrow at her use of the word murder, but a common expression was a common expression. Even if everyone was more tense about recent events. He considered the question for a moment before shrugging, with a small smile.

“I think you should do whatever you want. It is a pain to have longer hair, but I enjoy it, even if it is not as long as yours.” He pulled on a curl that was starting to drift into his eye line. “I do know some of the cooks enjoy having much shorter hair, it looks good without too much work. Only you can answer that question, though.” He let go of the lock of hair he tugged on and it went back into it curled resting position. His hair was a lot longer than it looked, but one could only tell when it was wet how long it truly was. Curls were weird that way.

“Still, I am glad you are enjoying it. Flying around really is the best.” He turned to the shelf for a moment and, seemingly at random, pulled a volume off the shelf. He didn’t recognize this one, hopefully he hadn’t read it before. “What are you going to do with your newfound free time?”

[Kaya]

"Read this book," she insists, leaning in to see which volume he's got his hands on. "And cut my hair. I want to try it short. And it'll grow back anyway. You have lots of free time. Do you have any scissors?" she grinned. "Then I can do both at once." Sentences punctuated with a quiet laugh (they were amongst the books after all).

Em looked up and down the shelving rows. "And you can tell me how you are."

[Shoki]

F’mil let out a little hissing laugh that he covered with his hand. He showed off the history book he had grabbed, apparently it was regarding the holds around Telgar. He hadn’t looked too hard, history books were usually fine for him. Either they were dull or they had juicy tidbits. Depended on what they were about.

He did still when she brought up him talking about how he was. Ah, hmm. What did he say to that? He decided to buy some time.

“Well, if you need someone to cut hair, I know someone. He’s cut my hair since I’ve been here, and he always knows what’s going on in the lower caverns.” F’mil was friends with a disproportionally large percentage of non-riders at Telgar. It was a habit he had picked up in his weyrlinghood at Ista. Of course, he’d not paid as many of them a visit since his grounding. He knew what the local rumor was. It was about him. Which brought it back to how he was doing. Ugh.

“I don’t suppose we could talk about something else?” He let out a humorless chuckle. Just one. “I’m… worried. I don’t care about the rest of it, but being bottled up at Telgar is…” He paused. How could he bring up the fact that remaining in this atmosphere hurt Delgeth? Or that both he and Delgeth were worried that they couldn’t escape if a flight occurred? He hated flights. There was one thing he could say easily enough. “I miss searching. Delgeth does too.”

[Kaya]

Em made a note to snag the name of that contact from him for her hair. Social leverage and a stylish change would be well worth whatever fractional marks she would spend there. But she didn't want to detract from her question of how he was doing, and so the young Rider waited for F'mil to continue. One did not acquire the true lay of the social landscape by always speaking. She drew her expression into tight lines as F'mil tried to squirm out of her question. She almost looked sorry, she wouldn't keep speaking to get him to talk. He would if he wanted to. Which it seemed that he did. And what did she say to that?

Sorry? Too trivial.

Yeah? Useless filler words.

I understand? Certainly not.

"Shards, man. Honesty. ...it sucks. I miss having you two lurking around. ...do you think they'd let you go out with an escort? Dragons can't just stay on the ground forever. It's not natural."

[Shoki]

F’mil smiled without humor. It was not even the very practiced smile he had learned from his days being taught the art of political maneuvering. He spoke, quietly, even for a library.

“I doubt they want to allow much right now. Part of the reason I make a delightful target right now is the fact that I have large gaps of time that I am away from Telgar in my past. Because of that according to some, it makes my actions unknown for such an extended period it makes me a prime suspect. So even small movements make me ‘suspicious’. And obviously I am not originally from Telgar, have a noted preference for gossiping which can be twisted into thinking I hang out with types of ill repute, and have a history of incidents in the Weyr. I am pretty sure the only thing I have going for me at the moment is the fact that I am quietly well known for avoiding the former Weyrwoman. Which some are stating is a ploy but it is keeping this all in a quiet house arrest rather than something even more annoying.” He spoke so fluidly as he perused for another book to take that it would be forgiven if someone thought this was a well-practiced speech.

“So I am guessing not. Maybe Delgeth just flying in a few trips could be managed. That would be nearly as good.” He flipped open a plant reference guide. This could be good. He added it to the other book in his possession. He then turned slightly to look sidelong at Emmeline. “Just because I don’t like this situation doesn’t mean I don’t understand it.”

[Kaya]

Emmeline's heart sank lower and lower as her friend spoke. He was exactly right, had likely spent hours pouring through this information, ruminating on how it reflected on him. He was exactly the type to know just what all this meant. And it hurt him enough that he had a detached speech of the facts prepared. And even if he was right, even though this was happening-

it wasn't fair.

Not even a little bit. "Delgeth should fly a little if he can then," Em sighed into the books. She glanced at a particularly boring looking list of flora. How F'mil found that worth reading... maybe he'd read all the good books already. She decided she would find him something better. What if they didn't like that either? She deflated a little further and sunk into F'mil's side, wrapping him into a hug she didn't realize she was going for until she was already there. "Just because you understand it doesn't make it right."

[Shoki]

“Yes.” A bit of warmth snuck into the single word. It would do Delgeth some good. If Delgeth got some air, it would help him too. It worked both ways.

F’mil jolted when Emmeline suddenly (to him) hugged him. He stilled when she spoke and his brow furrowed. He tried to open his mouth to speak but found his throat clogged up with all the stress and injustice flooding up as sorrow. He wasn’t used to being hugged, it wasn’t a thing his family did. They were all stiff and proper. Being consoled was something new, among people. He had no idea what to do. He raised his arm and gave an awkward attempt at returning the hug. Their height difference didn’t help much. He didn’t realize he was crying until he tried to talk again.

“You’re right. I just…” His voice broke a little. “Really want things to be okay with Delgeth. This whole thing…” He paused to gather his words. “I try to be upbeat for him, ‘cause he feels for me and if we both aren’t okay…” He pulled back some to rub his eyes. “Sorry.”

[Kaya]

"This is hard. You don't have to be sorry," Em tried to reassure him. She looked up into brown eyes. F'mil was so tall. She gave his arm a squeeze while he tried to take a moment. What had the world done to such a soul? Cruel circumstance had her friend, and it was hard to fight. But despite the others she'd speak up for him. F'mil had done nothing wrong.

"Have you considered that maybe Delgeth can handle himself? And he cares about you? And you don't have to protect him from every little thing?" she asked. She felt Rioth nudge into her thoughts. Em rested back on her Pink's support.