Post by Ghost of Fire (Fëanáro) on Jun 25, 2012 21:13:43 GMT -8
I can't resist:
In advance, I do not own the rights to this.
The Bible If Written Today:
The Holy Scripture may have had a different bent if written by college students:
In advance, I do not own the rights to this.
The Plan
In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
And the darkness was upon the faces of the workers.
And they spoke amongst themselves, saying:
“It is a crock of sh**, and it skinketh.”
And the workers went onto their supervisors, and sayeth:
“It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor thereof.”
And the supervisors went unto their managers, and sayeth unto them:
“It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none can abide it.”
And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth:
“It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength.”
And the directors spoke amongst themselves saying one to another:
“It contains that which aids plant growth and is very strong.”
And the directors went unto the vice presidents, and sayeth to them:
“It promotes growth, and is very powerful.”
And the vice presidents went unto the president, and sayeth unto him:
“This new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this company, and certain areas in particular.”
And the president looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.
And this is how sh** happens.
In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
And the darkness was upon the faces of the workers.
And they spoke amongst themselves, saying:
“It is a crock of sh**, and it skinketh.”
And the workers went onto their supervisors, and sayeth:
“It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor thereof.”
And the supervisors went unto their managers, and sayeth unto them:
“It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none can abide it.”
And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth:
“It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength.”
And the directors spoke amongst themselves saying one to another:
“It contains that which aids plant growth and is very strong.”
And the directors went unto the vice presidents, and sayeth to them:
“It promotes growth, and is very powerful.”
And the vice presidents went unto the president, and sayeth unto him:
“This new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this company, and certain areas in particular.”
And the president looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.
And this is how sh** happens.
The Bible If Written Today:
The Holy Scripture may have had a different bent if written by college students:
- The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning — cold, with stale Coke.
- The Ten Commandments would actually be only five, double-spaced, with wide margins, and written in a large font.
- A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
- Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
- Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@Romans.gov.
- Reason Cain killed Able: They were roommates.
- Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask for directions and look like freshmen.
- Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
